Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Dreams
I had an amazingly real dream last night that we adopted a brown skinned, straight haired affectionate 2 year old boy named Andrew. We had to walk through a raging river to get to him. Now I'm at work and can't concentrate.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What to Say
I keep a journal. Not every day, just as the mood strikes me. Its mostly for me. I like to go back "on this day 5 years ago" and see what I was up to. Amazing how quickly we forget and its also a good reminder that no matter how important something seems to me today, I'll probably hardly even remember it a few years from now so I should just chill and enjoy the moment. I have a tendency to put too much emphasis on my feelings at moment and forget that this too shall pass and God is with me no matter what. Some people keep a journal hoping that future generations will be interested to read them and that they will be remembered. Frankly, I kind of hope mine aren't read by anyone who didn't know me. So many times when I go back and read I just have to shake my head. How embarrassing. I think I have a tendency to write when I'm really feeling something strongly - and don't tell my husband I said so but, yes, its true, I can be a bit extreme or even, gulp, irrational.
Anyways, I picked up my journal a few days ago to find that I hadn't written anything for 3 months! That's 1/4 of a year! And this blog's sparse content reflects my feelings as well - that I just don't have much to say! Which is a bit strange, because there's always lots going on. But it all feels really normal. There's no geckos in the toaster, no one being killed in a nearby village, no extreme excitement over finding beef in the grocery store. Boring. Or maybe its just my perspective that's boring.
At this time last year I was almost making myself sick with worrying. I had just turned down a fairly decent paying job teaching ESL in a place about an hour out of where we are living now. It was a difficult decision. It had been my first teaching position interview ever. It was good to know that I could do it. It would have been money that we needed right away. We had been back for 2 months at that point and, thankfully, a few supporters continued on while we were getting settled but still, making a little less that $1000/month for five years hadn't left us with much savings. I needed the job. Tim couldn't work because of he wasn't a resident at that point. It was all up to me. But I couldn't see driving an hour each way every day, especially during the winter. So I turned down the job. They counter offered and still I just didn't feel right and said no. Hopeful, but not sure at that point, if the college would be hiring for the new semester starting in January. I interviewed to be a teacher's assistant at the college's English language centre a few weeks later and didn't get the job. I was devastated. I took a minimum wage job packing expensive chocolates that cost more a piece than my Indonesian friends make in a day. I felt a bit sick.
Now, a year later, I'm doing well at the teaching position that did open up in January. I have taken a second contract with them to develop curriculum. And that's pretty much all I do at this point. Work. And now that the novelty has worn off I just don't feel like its anything worth writing about. Who would be interested in reading about the grammar activities I made today? Who cares about my Saturday of going into work for five hours then cleaning the house and falling asleep in front of the tv?
I'm so thankful for my job. I'm so glad that I can do something I like to do, that I can use my training so directly. And, I'm thankful that, if I were to guess what I would say looking back on this entry in a few years, I will probably say, "That was good. It was worthwhile. It helped me get to where I am now. Which is some place totally different."
Anyways, I picked up my journal a few days ago to find that I hadn't written anything for 3 months! That's 1/4 of a year! And this blog's sparse content reflects my feelings as well - that I just don't have much to say! Which is a bit strange, because there's always lots going on. But it all feels really normal. There's no geckos in the toaster, no one being killed in a nearby village, no extreme excitement over finding beef in the grocery store. Boring. Or maybe its just my perspective that's boring.
At this time last year I was almost making myself sick with worrying. I had just turned down a fairly decent paying job teaching ESL in a place about an hour out of where we are living now. It was a difficult decision. It had been my first teaching position interview ever. It was good to know that I could do it. It would have been money that we needed right away. We had been back for 2 months at that point and, thankfully, a few supporters continued on while we were getting settled but still, making a little less that $1000/month for five years hadn't left us with much savings. I needed the job. Tim couldn't work because of he wasn't a resident at that point. It was all up to me. But I couldn't see driving an hour each way every day, especially during the winter. So I turned down the job. They counter offered and still I just didn't feel right and said no. Hopeful, but not sure at that point, if the college would be hiring for the new semester starting in January. I interviewed to be a teacher's assistant at the college's English language centre a few weeks later and didn't get the job. I was devastated. I took a minimum wage job packing expensive chocolates that cost more a piece than my Indonesian friends make in a day. I felt a bit sick.
Now, a year later, I'm doing well at the teaching position that did open up in January. I have taken a second contract with them to develop curriculum. And that's pretty much all I do at this point. Work. And now that the novelty has worn off I just don't feel like its anything worth writing about. Who would be interested in reading about the grammar activities I made today? Who cares about my Saturday of going into work for five hours then cleaning the house and falling asleep in front of the tv?
I'm so thankful for my job. I'm so glad that I can do something I like to do, that I can use my training so directly. And, I'm thankful that, if I were to guess what I would say looking back on this entry in a few years, I will probably say, "That was good. It was worthwhile. It helped me get to where I am now. Which is some place totally different."
Sunday, October 3, 2010
My Favorite Season
Fall. What a beautiful time of year. And it has officially arrived around here. All the leaves have turned and are covering the ground, providing a very satisfying crunch crunch when I go for a walk. With work and the business of life I haven't gotten out to enjoy the fallness as much as I would like but I'm taking in what I can and it is gorgeous. Fall is such a short season here but maybe that's why I like it. There's no chance to get sick of it - you blink and it's over. It always feels so rich because every day seems like one more day you rob from winter's icy grasp and it seems that us humans are more likely to enjoy things deeply if we know that they are only temporary. We take for granted those things that seem they will be here forever. Like our health, our spouses, our security.
Fall is also my favorite time of year because it reminds me of some of my dear college friends. This was the time of year that we were reconnected after a summer apart and would spend hours dressed in sweaters sitting outside our local Starbucks drinking coffee or maybe that oh so fallish drink, apple cider, and sharing our lives together. I miss those days and I miss those friends. Those were some of my favorite times. To those friends, if you read this, I miss you and love you and think of you often as I walk under golden trees.
Fall is also my favorite time of year because it reminds me of some of my dear college friends. This was the time of year that we were reconnected after a summer apart and would spend hours dressed in sweaters sitting outside our local Starbucks drinking coffee or maybe that oh so fallish drink, apple cider, and sharing our lives together. I miss those days and I miss those friends. Those were some of my favorite times. To those friends, if you read this, I miss you and love you and think of you often as I walk under golden trees.
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