Hope

Advent.  Week One.  Hope.
I love our church.  We call ourselves fully evangelical, gentle charismatics and, I add, beautifully litergical.  I love that.  I didn't grow up with communion every Sunday, group recitation of The Lord's Prayer or much reference to the Christian Calendar.  I know that some people find these things to be ritual without much meaning.  But I find them, in balance, to be really grounding.  They help me to focus.
This week is the first week of advent.  The week to focus on hope.  Hope.  Hope for a Savior to come.  Hope for His Kingdom to come. 
Christmas is a time of hopelessness for many.  Even for me, who doesn't have any major losses or difficulties at the moment, Christmas in a poignant time.  I feel very softened, sensitive.  I avoid Christmas pageants.  Too many bright and shiny children with their proud parents beaming from the audience or back stage, mouthing the memorized lines along with them, snapping pictures.  And I am not them.  Apparently those moments are not for me to have.  I am reminded of loved ones lost.  We went to fund raiser last night for children in Africa who have nothing.  I hear pleas on the radio for more donations for the food bank.  And yet, hope shines through.  And that's what I love about Christmas.  That's be beauty of the message of Jesus.  That through the hurt, through the pain, through the doubt...hope remains.  So this week I hope cling to hope.  Communion, a candle burning, a prayer that His Kingdom come on Earth as in Heaven.  Hope.

The Big Freeze

Winter has arrived.  6 inches of snow cover our yard and the -20 temperature won't let us forget that a new season is upon us.  People are getting into Christmas already - glowing trees can be seen in front windows and well-lit santas etc are adorning yards in the area.  I was a bit disgusted to see the eggnog and candy canes for sale the day after Halloween but anyways....can't we just not buy stuff for one freaking second in this country?

I've cut myself off of Facebook for a few weeks and that's been good but makes me want to still put my thoughts out there so here I am.  Facebook is nuts, you know?  I honestly don't care what all of my acquaintances ate for supper or how many dirty diapers they've changed today or if they're mad at their landlord or ..... etc etc.  Like really.  As if I don't have enough to think about without taking on everyone else's angst as well.

4 more weeks of school.  Crazy.  I need to start getting final exams ready pretty soon!  I've been working on developing curriculum as well which has been a nightmare that I can't wait to be done with.  Life feels crazy sometimes.  I'm learning some things about myself through this season of being "career woman", namely, that I don't really like being career woman.  I still like teaching but I don't care about climbing the ladder.  I'm not that interested in doing research and being the most cutting edge in my field.  I don't plan to do a masters any time soon.  Just, meh.  That's good to know.  I think I need more than just a paycheck to feel like my work is rewarding.  I miss the more personal connection I had with our students in PNG.  I don't get many opportunities to get to know my students here on a more personal level.  I hope and have faith that this is just a season.  I should embrace it.  I'm trying.